Tuesday, August 9

It's called taking turns, asshole!

Hey, you jerks driving in Portland with Washington plates - go back to your fscking 'Couv and never darken the land of our fair state with your defiling shadow ever again!

When trying to merge into bumper to bumper traffic, take turns. Unlike your ilk up there in the 'Couv, we Oregonians understand the concept of taking turns - each car in the right lane lets one car merge. It really does work quite nicely. See all those nice folks with trees on their license plates? See how they are cooperating and everyone gets to merge in a nice, orderly, polite and fair fashion? But noooo ... you had to be an ass and go flying down the right shoulder for a quarter mile past the onramp at 45 miles per hour with your damn left turn signal on before jamming your way in like you are somehow more important than the folks who actually live here and pay for that road you're driving on.

I firmly believe in order to get a driver's license in Clark County it's mandatory to get a frontal lobotomy and conscience-ectomy. It makes one want to tear down the I-5 and I-405 bridges across the river and dumping that sprawling suburban shithole affectionately known as "The 'Couv" to moulder in its own car-loving, community-hating, meth-saturated strip mall hell.

Or maybe it's just frustration that one cannot flip off said jerks while driving a state vehicle with an E-plate ...


  1. Heh! Been contemplating a similar rant. Thanks for saving me the trouble.

  2. Hey, customer service is my middle name! Glad to be of service.

  3. It's not just the 'Couv, it's all of Washington. I think the only reason I was granted a driver's license here was because when originally issued to me I drove a red coupe with a spoiler. When I moved back into the state the old license was still valid, so it was just a reissue.

  4. As a child I used to call that kind of merging "zippering in," becuase the cars would resemble the teeth of a zipper as it's zipped. I'm sure kids in the Boston area would never get the reference.

  5. Nail on the head. I had to visit Jantzen beach again yesterday. Nail on the head.